I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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