I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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