Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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