She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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