Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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