I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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