Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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