Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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