just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
