Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
