never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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