like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
