I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
