fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
