So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
