I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
In America we eat man semen.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
