That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
