you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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