Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
