Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
