I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
