Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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