when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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