i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
