I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
