it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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