how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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