I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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