i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
