He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
