So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
