if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
