I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
two words: eviction party
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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