I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
