literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Your cock deserves a montage
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
