i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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