I just pynch a tree in the face
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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