well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
