Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
