So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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