Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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