I just cut my nipple shaving
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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