plz talk dirty to me
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
