I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
