We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
