I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
