At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
