i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
