were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
