after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
