There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
