i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
