Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
