Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
