Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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