No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
