the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would ride that face into the sunset
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
