Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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