i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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