coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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