i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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