I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
ttyl tear gas
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
