I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
