For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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