I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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