The maid of honor just puked.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
