Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
