..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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