I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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