I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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