i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
