I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
