please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
