I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
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he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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