I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
