So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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