the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
her vagine was all disorganized.
You smell like stripper and shame
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
