what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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