Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
