you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
