I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is Oprah even human
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
